i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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