how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
