I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
