he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
