Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I CAN MOONWALK!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
