shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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