my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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