Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
