i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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