your thong is hanging out like whoa
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
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