my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
