It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
