if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
