I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
