And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
