guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
