one two three fourrrrnication!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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