last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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