It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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