so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
