Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
