My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
