every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
