addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
