the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
