I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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