Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
