Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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