the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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