Barsexuality is the new black.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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