Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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