so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
