u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
