rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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