are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
