Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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