I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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