He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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