you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
