i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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