Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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