Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
