just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
