i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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