Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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