She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
