Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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