i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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