Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
please come you make the beer taste better
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
