It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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